


AVPM au

by luna_laufeyson



Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 10:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16514579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna_laufeyson/pseuds/luna_laufeyson
Summary: I wrote this when I was quite young.





	AVPM au

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything   
> Enjoy :)

"CRUCIO!"  
"Bellatrix, WTF?!" *slaps*  
*runs over to Quirrell*  
"Quirrell, are you alright?"  
"Uh, no! I was just hit with the worst pain curse in the history of pain curses and it doesn't really wear off in just ten seconds." Quirrell paused. "I am starting to feel a bit better though. Thank you."  
"It's fine. What are f--friends… even for? Never mind, rhetorical question. Now. Bellatrix."  
(Seductively) "Yes, my master?"  
"Alright, alright. Firstly, what is up with your hair? Pun not intended. Secondly, what is that not seductive thing you are doing with your face? You totally just spent like twelve whole years in azkaban and it did not do anything good for your already pretty much nonexistent looks. Thirdly, who the hell do you think calls the shots around here?? I do all the talking, I do all the sneering, and most of all, I DO ALL THE CRUCIOING! Got it?"  
"Um, my lord, I thought I was your second in command?"  
"That was twelve years ago, slave. Things change. CRUCIO!"  
*Bellatrix screaming in the background*  
*Quirrell has to raise his voice to be heard over the screaming*  
"Hey Voldemort!"  
"Yeah, what?"  
"Um, you can stop crucioing her now!"  
*Stops crucioing* "Nawww, but I was having so much fun! You have no idea how many times I have wanted to do that. Twelve years and I finally have my body and my magic back, and even before that I was continually practicing restraint!"  
"Yeah, well, you can continue it later. In the meantime, Potter's almost got the punch ladle again!"  
"Oh, my God, you're right. AVADA KEDAVRA!"  
...  
"What!!? Killing the boy who lived wasn't meant to be that easy! That's just not what happens! Now he's the boy who lived the first time and then died the next time he was hit with the same curse! And that doesn't flow nearly as well!"  
"Hmmm. No, it doesn't. But now we have a body to mutilate, a bitch to frame and roller skates to buy. Let's go already!"  
"Okay then. What movie do you want to see?"  
*meanwhile, back at Hogwarts*  
"Alright everybody, shut your mouths and listen up. We don't know where Harry Potter has gone, but I think we can all safely say that he's probably not somewhere outside the castle getting killed by Voldemort."  
"Um, Professor?"  
"What is it, Granger?"  
"It's just that you can't exactly rule that out just yet. I mean, when Harry Potter and Diggory grabbed that punch ladle, it really looked like some sort of port key!"  
"No Granger, that's absurd. Ten points from Gryffindor."  
"Oh, thanks, Hermione."  
"But sir, what'd I do? I only pointed out that the direction and speed of the spinning plainly connects to the slight colour shift of the--"  
"Alright, alright, Granger. 20 freaking points from Gryffindor for being a smartass. Now, does anyone have any suggestions that make any sense?"  
"He could have an invisibility cloak!"  
"Who, Harry Potter? I don't think so. We need to //find// a better reason for where he's gone!"  
"He could have apparated up to an empty classroom to duel Cedric?"  
"Good idea, whatever your name is!"  
"Pansy."  
"I don't care. Now, lets go search the castle for our missing champions!"  
"But Professor Dumbledore, chapter twenty seven of //Hogwarts, a History// clearly states that ward seventy nine prevents any--"  
"Another twenty points. Lets get to it!"


End file.
